The weeks and days leading up to the arrival of a new baby are usually filled with excitement and great expectations, and chances are your experience has been no different. You probably had a pregnancy shoot — which, thanks to pop culture, has become the rave of the decade — and maybe also had a baby shower.
In all of these situations and in-between, whenever you thought of your new baby, all you imagined were curly hair, cute pink lips, soft cheeks, silky smooth skin, and the sweet smell of baby products.
You’ve heard that you will feel overwhelming love for your child and that babies sleep a lot. But what of the other helpful but sometimes uncomfortable information you never really get to hear about infant care before you welcomed your bundle of joy? We’ve listed them out to get you prepared.
- Babies are almost always hungry
It may come as a shock to you, but for such tiny creatures, newborns sure do eat a lot! And this is normal, seeing as they are rapidly growing even from Day 1 post-birth. You will need to feed your baby more frequently if you do exclusive breastfeeding than if you feed them formula, as breast milk is lighter and digests more quickly.
Prepare to spend thirty to forty-five minutes nursing your tiny tot every two hours. And during growth spurts, you might have a baby latched on to you for six straight hours.
- Breastfeeding your baby may be extremely difficult
Breastfeeding is a natural process that many assume should be effortless for both mother and baby, but it is not always so. Your baby may be unable to latch onto your breast properly for the first few hours or days, and this can potentially cause undernutrition.
Understanding beforehand that you and your baby may need professional help with getting them to latch will ensure you don’t starve your child or have to deal with any feeling of inadequacy. You could also consider introducing your baby to the bottle so that they get fed one way or the other.
- Childcare may affect your relationship with your partner
Childbirth is often a rude awakening for most women because they find out that regardless of how supportive their partner may usually be around the house, childcare falls primarily on them (the mother). Naturally, you will spend much more time with the baby, especially if you are breastfeeding, putting the greater responsibility of holding and caring on you.
During these periods, you may catch yourself beginning to resent your partner. You may be a little jealous of how they seem to be able to go about their daily activities unencumbered. If you feel yourself beginning to grow resentful, have a conversation with your partner and let them know what you would have them do to care for their child and care for you too.
- Infant care will sometimes affect your self-confidence
Look at you, a high-achieving woman; beautiful and confident too. Or maybe you’re the macho male with a commanding presence who gets things done. The Mr Fix-It that we all love. But nothing prepares you for the clumsiness that comes with handling a new baby.
You will hesitate, unsure whether or not it’s time to bathe the baby. You will wonder why they are crying and struggle with feelings of inadequacy. What of when you’re simply unable to get them to do something as seemingly natural as latching onto your breasts?
Here’s a word for when those situations arise. You are not alone, and you will get better with time. You can bank on that.
- Your newborn doesn’t need a sponge bath every day
You’ve heard that babies’ immune systems are weak and that they are highly prone to rashes. This is true, but that’s not your cue to scrub them up every day, especially in the first few weeks.
A full bath in a tub is necessary only about once or twice weekly. Other than that, it’s okay to sponge-bathe your baby only in places where they get most dirty, like the neck, around the mouth, and groin. More frequent bathing will lead to dry skin or eczema.
- You may catch yourself angry and frustrated at your precious little one
You probably feel ashamed that you would even feel this way. One minute, you’re overcome with pity that you can’t decipher what your yelling baby needs and can’t seem to help them. The next minute, you’re frustrated that they just won’t keep quiet and give you a break. Yes, you know babies cry, you just never knew they could be this insatiable.
Guess what, it’s okay to be exhausted. While you must not neglect your baby, you will also have to get used to their crying. As long as you have ruled out everything that might be the issue— they have been fed, are appropriately clothed, and aren’t cold or hot, etc. then they may just need to cry themselves to sleep. Sometimes, they need to learn how to fall asleep by themselves.
Besides, your baby is better off crying for a few minutes than you handling them roughly in your state of frustration.
- You may not bond with your baby immediately
Every parent expects to be overcome with love and adoration the moment the midwife hands them their baby, and this is normal. But here’s something else that is normal: being so stressed by the birthing process that you’re unable to feel any emotion for your baby. You may even be a little unimpressed or panicky. Why does the baby’s skull look so misshapen and the nose so flat?
These are thoughts you might not be able to bring yourself to voice out to anyone, and you may even beat yourself up for being a bad parent. But you really should give yourself some time. As the distress of labour eases and your wounds heal, and as you spend more time with your little one, you will slowly build a connection with them.
If this never happens and having your baby makes you so sad, you should consider seeking medical help immediately. You might be suffering from postpartum depression.
